Denial. Well that’s what I’ve been doing for the last 27 hours or so, and I guess I’m gonna have to continue doing that until I finally have nothing to deny anymore. I’m starting to see that the the little note-changing that we had a few days ago was the closest thing I had to actually getting to be with her.

I don’t even want to go back at what happened today ‘cause it just breaks me too much. Though sitting next to her was always a joy for me, it didn’t feel like that today, it was far from it. It was rather an uncomfortable position to be in which is weird because usually, nothing is more comfortable than being by her side. Today wasn’t one of those moments.  I often find myself leaving the room just to get rid of the sight of her texting with her phone, while whispering to myself “Its none of your business, Its none of your business”.  While it really is none of my business, I just can’t help but notice that she seemed like she wanted his company at that time, she wanted it despite my presence. I don’t even want to know where she spent her break. Maybe I am overthinking things? Maybe I am….I don’t know.

All I know is that I want to be happy for her, I do. I want to be supportive in every way I can, and I will. All I know that in a matter of moments, I might experience that feeling again. The one when everything seems slow and wrong and terrifying…and slow, that kind of feeling.

Well, I don’t mind going through that one more time, I’ve experienced it a lot before, I should be use to it by now.

In a matter of moments, whatever happens, I am ready. I can pull it off. I think,