Ok, so I’m taking a pause from my hiatus ‘cause I really have a lot of things in my mind right now. I have to talk about it a little. I was about to break my hiatus by posting something about “nice bullies” but my conscience got the best of me because I realized that they really weren’t bullies, I was over-reacting and their really more of “nice” than “bullies”. Anyway, another reason is that something far more alarming than bullying happened today and it definitely caught me off guard. I must admit it scared the sh*t out of me. Even the thought of it just..uhmm…well..sad…very sad.

Let’s just say that these kinds of things are some of those that can end Beginnings. Hiding attraction is one thing, getting noticed is another. Though I’m pretty much on the “getting notice” part, I still haven’t said anything about the attraction that I’m feeling until today, which was dangerous and very scary. I mean scary. Carrie at the prom with the pig’s blood-scary, as Dr. Grey would say.

I know I should do something about it right now, but I won’t ‘cause I don’t know how. I mean, all is good and perfect for us but when I start thinking about going forward, everything goes wrong miserably. Well, not really miserably, but still things go wrong.  Today, I kinda took a step forward, but it didn’t do anything good. It was a bad idea.

I mean the whole 15 or so minutes of not looking at each other, not talking, not even a whisper, not even a glimpse, that experience. I can’t have that experience again. It just scares me too much. The thought of not being capable of making her laugh is just..well its indescribable. Not seeing her smile is even worse.

Fortunately, the awkwardness between us broke off when I started acting awkward which is weird ‘cause who would’ve thought that being awkward may actually get you off an awkward situation. Anyway, all is good again and I’m gonna have to settle with this thing right now. I just can’t risk ending our beginning. Its too scary.