I know its November 1st so this post might seem a little off-beat but I just can’t ignore what just happened this morning. I just heard the smartest, most sanest, most grown-up, most sensible conversation from, well, the grown-ups. I must admit, it did explain a lot of things to me which is weird because I wasn’t even a part of the conversation. This conversation that I just heard kinda makes me want to alter my theory that “being a grown-up is overrated”. Maybe it isn’t.
On the way to my folk’s house, I did the occasional “listening to the grown-ups talk” thing and most of the time; when I’m doing this, while I do keep my opinions to myself, I secretly react violently like “what?!”, “how can they say that?” or the usual “man! I can’t wait to be a grown-up”. Of course, there are times, many times I should say, that they kinda impress me too with their wisdom. At times like these my reaction ranges from “Wow!”, “so that’s why” or “ohhh, I get it!” and so on. But this morning, their conversation undeniably brought my amazement factor on a whole new level ‘cause not only that I agree with them, but I also understood a lot of things that I haven’t understand before.
The thing that kinda got my attention is when they started talking about insecurity. Yeah insecurity. Though I know calling it the smartest, most sanest, most sensible and all that is a bit exaggerating but it really…well, let’s just say that after I heard it, I kinda knew how to make sense of uhmm “issues” that didn’t make sense before. Insecurity ruins lives, it ruins marriage, it ruins families, it ruins opportunities, the list goes on.
I mean, what drives a man, or a woman for that matter, to break 17 or so years of marriage? I mean it doesn’t make sense especially if you have children and they’re good kids, and you’re stable, and you’re doing good, you have a business, and you have a house and a car, and even a driver sometimes…a driver!! Not everyone has a driver. So what gives? I mean, how could someone break a marriage like that?
Well, again inspired by my so-called “sanest conversation”, I think the answer is pretty simple. What if the car, the driver, the house, the business, the stability of life, what if all those things are achieved even without your contribution? As an unmarried man, I would say that “I’d still be happy, I’m lucky to have this, I somehow contributed to this and my partner knows I’m doing my best”. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking rarely happens in real life, most people in this kind of situation don’t see their “better-half” as their partner, they see him/her as their competition, especially for a man. Pride drives them to think this way.
They start to have this desire to be equal, the “anything you can do, I can as well” thing and instead of being happy, they start thinking that they don’t deserve any bit of the stability that they are experiencing. Then insecurity comes when the man feels like everyone is looking down at him for not being as successful as her better-half. Then simple requests like “Honey, please pick up the kids” or “Drive me off to work” start to feel like degrading commands. Then depression comes, then the drinking, the not thinking straight thing, the temptation, the fighting, the “I feel like I’m getting emasculated” thing and so on. Then there’s just this moment when nothing ever feels right, then it did, then suddenly you know that you have to do something for your family to treat you equally to not be degraded. Well in reality, your only doing this for yourself, to prove that you are as good as your competition which is suppose to be your partner. You are doing this for yourself and not for your family. Then you realize it, then its too late.
(People make mistakes, its never too late. Love doesn’t fade that easy. Its too powerful to be shattered like that. Isn’t it?)
Wow!! Being a grown-up isn’t overrated at all. After all the things that a grown-up must experience, I now understand why they’re like that sometimes. I mean this is just one thing, imagine dealing with dilemmas like these simultaneously. They deserve a medal.
